Misfits
by Bride of Spock
Summary: What if the gang went to kindergarten together? Oneshot. AU. Includes the whole gang, so sorry for the lack of characters xD


**A/N: Before I get flamed, let me remind you the summary says 'what if'! I KNOW they didn't go to school together. Please read and review! **

It was a bright day at Mandy Ray's Kindergarten. The playground was full of screaming and excited children. Sheldon and Missy Cooper tugged on their mother's hands as she led them to their line. Missy was whining. "But, muuuum, I don't wanna be in a class with Shelly! He acts weird with other kids!"

"Settle down now Missy. I'm sure you can put up with him just as good at school as you do at home. Now behave and I'll see you two later." Sheldon gave her one of his looks.

"But those children are dirty!"

"You will put up with it, Sheldon Lee Cooper. Do I have to call Meemaw?"

"I'll be good."

Across the playground, two girls were saying their goodbyes. Penny was looking around excitedly, eager to go, but Bernadette was whimpering and clinging to her mother. "Come on, Bernadette, grow up. It's just school. It's a bit like home, you'll be surrounded by kids!"

"I don't want to," whispered Bernadette, but Penny grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the line, where she started talking to two boys. Bernadette stared at her feet shyly. Penny and the short boy, who was called Howard, were talking animatedly, but the Indian boy beside him, Raj, said nothing. He waved and smiled shyly at Bernadette. "Hello," she said quietly. Raj waved again. "Why can't you talk?" Bernadette asked. Raj shrugged. "I bet you're just shy," Bernadette said earnestly.

Leonard hugged his mother. She remained stoic until her son let go. "Why don't you hug me?" Leonard asked sadly.

"I don't wish to partake in unnecessary physical contact, Leonard, you know that," his mother answered dryly. Leonard pouted. "Well, bye," he said, remaining cheerful.

"Goodbye."

Leonard walked over to a small dark haired girl sitting alone. "Hello, I'm Leonard."

"My name is Amy Farrah Fowler and I am pleased to meet you," the girl said. Leonard remembered what his mother had told him and stuck his hand out.

"Sorry, Leonard, I don't shake hands."

"Um, shall we go to the line?"

"Good morning boys and girls! I am your teacher, Miss Tulier, and we are class one!" The children looked at her, unsure of what to do next. "When I say 'good morning class!' you say 'good morning Miss Tulier!' We say this every morning and afternoon."

"Good morning Miss Tulier," the class chanted.

"Now, some rules. No running in the classroom, no fighting, no food until breaktime, and you put your hand up if you want to say anything." Sheldon put his hand up. "What's your name?"

"Sheldon Cooper."

"What would you like to say?"

"Why, I would like to say any number of things! For instance, 'no tears' shampoo doesn't prevent tears, milk teeth toothpaste isn't 'fun in my mouth' - "

"Why did you put your hand up, Sheldon?"

"I wanted to ask why we would say good morning to you in the afternoon," Sheldon answered smugly. Some of the children laughed.

"In the afternoon, we say 'good afternoon Miss Tulier'. Any more questions?" There were scattered murmurs of 'no' and 'no Miss' throughout the class.

"So we'll start our first lesson!"

By breaktime, the majority of the class could count to ten and recite their alphabet. Penny was struggling. "One, two, f-four, six, seven, eight, ten..."

"No, Penny, try again. You can do it."

"One, two, f-three, four, six, seven, eight, ten."

"Try again, come on now." Sheldon passed her chair and laughed a little.

"Can't even do her alphabet," he said smugly. Penny jumped up.

"Do you want a big bruise, Sheldon, cos I'm gonna give you one!"

"Penny, you leave my brother alone!" Missy hollered, running across the room towards her.

Penny punched Sheldon hard on the arm. Missy tripped and fell onto Penny, scraping her own knee and knocking Penny over. Both girls' screams rang through the classroom, along with the bell for break. Sheldon's wails didn't go unheard either.

Bernadette sat alone at break, eating an apple. Raj sat next to her. "Hello, Raj, are you lonely as well?" Bernadette asked. She felt at ease with this boy, like she'd known him all her life. Raj nodded.

"Where's Howard?" Bernadette disliked the weedy boy, but he was Raj's friend and she tried to be nice to him. Raj gestured vaguely in the direction of the medical room. "Oh...did he go to see Penny?" Raj nodded and made a heart with his hands, grinning. "I think he loves her, too. They're gonna get married cos she's Barbie and he's Ken," Bernadette said, feeling smart.

Sheldon was in the courtyard adjacent to the playground, rearranging the plant pots so they were all in a straight line, as they looked so...so abnormal when they were all over the place. He decided to go see Missy in the medical room. Miss Tulier had said the nurse was called Nurse Tracy. Sheldon made his way to medical.

Knock knock knock.

"Nurse Tracy."

Knock knock knock.

"Nurse Tracy."

Knock knock knock.

"Nurse Tracy." The door swung open.

"Hello there," said the nurse, smiling down at him. "What are you here for? You're not hurt?" Sheldon shook his head.

"I wanted to see my sister, Missy Cooper," he said clearly.

"She's just round there, sweetheart. I'll trust you to go yourself." Sheldon walked round the corner.

"Are you alright, Missy?" he asked, concerned.

"My knee hurts a bit, but I'm fine, Shelly." Sheldon shed his coat and laid it over the seat before carefully sitting next to his sister.

"The nurse did disinfect it, didn't she? And bandaged it up properly?"

"It hurt when she sprayed the stuff on, Shelly, it really stung," Missy said, pouting.

"It will feel better soon, Missy."

"I hope it doesn't," said a mean voice. Penny rounded the corner, Howard at her heels. Her scraped elbow had a plaster on it and her knee, like Missy's, was bandaged. Howard scowled at Sheldon. Missy stuck her tongue out at Penny, who frowned.

"I'm better than you," Penny said, sticking out her tongue.

"Yeah, she's better than you," Howard echoed.

"Says the girl who can't count to ten and doesn't know her alphabet," Sheldon said.

"Howard, you're just following Penny around cos you looooove her," Missy said triumphantly.

"No I don't!" Howard protested, but he flushed.

"Everyone loves me. My mummy says I'm perfect Penny," Penny said proudly. "But you are - stupid Sheldon and - and - moron Missy!" Missy gasped, her eyes filling with tears.

"Um, you said a bad word," she said quietly, staring at her lap.

"I'm gonna tell Nurse Tracy, and Miss Tulier, and she'll tell your mum!" Sheldon said.

"I don't care, stupid Sheldon."

"I'm not stupid. I can count to FIFTY - and I can say the alphabet backwards!" Sheldon said. Penny stuck her tongue out and stalked off, Howard following her like a lost puppy.

Leonard approached Amy again, annoyed and sad that he hadn't managed to befriend the tall boy yet. "Hi, Amy," he said.

"Greetings, Leonard."

"What did you eat? I had a banana," he said eagerly.

"Bananas are good for you, they release energy slower so you can keep going longer. I had one too," Amy said, rather flatly.

"What's your favourite animal?" Leonard asked, eager to make a friend.

"My favourite animal is a monkey. Yours?"

"I like sloths. They're so slow and calm and they don't care about anything but sleep and food."

"I wish I was a monkey."

"I wish I was a sloth."

"Now we will be learning about colours! Does anyone know any of these colours?" Miss Tulier said, gesturing to the painted rainbow on the wall.

"I know the first five!' Sheldon called out.

"I know the last ones!" Missy yelled excitedly.

"I know blue!"

"I know yellow!"

"Settle down, settle down. Sheldon, would you like to show us the first colour?" Sheldon got up and pointed to the first rainbow stripe.

"It's red."

"Very good! Leonard?"

"It's orange!"

"Bernadette?"

"Yellow, like my hair," Bernadette exclaimed.

"Howard?"

"Green like Penny's eyes!"

"Raj?" Bernadette looked at Raj pityingly, knowing he was too shy to speak.

"I know, I know!" she yelled, sparing Raj the embarrassment but bringing it crashing down upon herself. "It's blue!"

"Don't call out, Bernadette. Missy?"

"Purple, the best colour!"

"Penny?"

"Pink, the bestest colour ever!"

"Amy, do you know what all the colours together are called?"

"A rainbow."

"Don't you just love rainbows, Amy?" Miss Tulier said, beaming.

"Not particularly. I will remain neutral upon this topic," Amy replied.

Miss Tulier kept trying to smile, to her credit. "Great! Now, I'll get out the paints and you can all paint a rainbow, won't that be nice?"

Sheldon drew a perfectly coordinated arc for each colour. His rainbow was completely symmetrical. His sister's was less perfect, more blobby, but she had the colours in the right order. Bernadette and Raj painted the table. Howard painted a big circle and all his colours ran together. Amy got her colours right, but her stripes were parallel rather than curved. Penny got extremely confused and painted all her stripes in the wrong order. She started crying. "Why are you crying, Penny?" Miss Tulier asked.

"I can't do it!"

"Missy! Come sit here, will you? Penny needs some help."

"Ohhhh no!" Missy groaned.

"Come, now, make some friends."

Missy sat hunched in her chair as Penny struggled. "Help me, then!"

"I don't wanna," Missy said.

"Now!"

"Fine!" Missy grabbed the brush and painted a long streak of pink down Penny's face.

Penny gasped. "Miss!" she hollered. "Missy painted me!"

Miss Tulier was helping Amy and couldn't hear Penny over the class's chattering. Penny grabbed the orange. Seconds later it decorated Missy's arm.

Penny ended up with paint on her neck, face and arms. Missy had paint on her cheeks, chin and forehead. Penny had a little in her hair, which she'd squealed about.

Miss Tulier had taken them into 'The Quiet Room' which was a place for relaxing and quiet talking. "Now. Tell me what happened. There is no need for that kind of behaviour," the worn out teacher said sternly. Penny launched into a wild explanation while Missy denied everything she said.

'I had to get the freakiest class in the whole school,' she thought privately.

Leaving a kindergarten class unattended with paint was a bad idea. A very bad idea. Miss Tulier realised this after a few minutes of huffy silence from the girls. She'd brought them back.

The room was a mess. Sheldon appeared to be having a panic attack.

"It was Howard, miss!" he shouted, a wild look in his eye. The bell went for lunch and everyone ran to freedom.

Sheldon ate lunch inside, then went into the playground to sit near the sand box and watch other children play. Leonard came up to him. "Why aren't you playing?"

"Watching others play is stimulating enough that I don't have to get my hands dirty," Sheldon said smugly.

"You talk all fancy like my mom," Leonard said, with mixed emotions.

"It's not fancy, it's using the English language correctly."

"D'you want to come round mine for tea?"

"Of course. Does your mother have impeccable hygiene? I only trust clean people with my food."

"She keeps everything _sterile_," Leonard said, proud that he'd used a big word and that he'd befriended Sheldon.

Bernadette ate with Raj and - unfortunately - Howard at lunch. "You have pretty hair, Bernie."

"Don't call me Bernie!" Bernadette snapped. She looked pleadingly at Raj, who whispered in Howard's ear, who beamed. "Great idea, Raj! I'll go see Penny. _She_ likes me," he shot at Bernadette before walking away.

"Thank you," Bernadette said sincerely. Raj shrugged and gave her a small smile. "Would you like to come to tea at mine?" Raj nodded, his eyes lighting up eagerly. "We go home when lunch ends. We can ask our mums!"

Raj's smile faltered a bit at that but he nodded and tried to look pleased.

"Mummy, daddy, can I go to tea at Bernadette's house?"

"Why, Rajesh? Her mother hasn't given you candy, has she? Pedophilia is common here in America."

"She's my friend. That's her over there." Raj pointed. "Pleaaase."

"Fine, Rajesh. Don't come home crying if you don't like American food."

"Leonard Hofstadter has invited me to tea, Mother," Sheldon informed.

"Hofstadter? His mum's the one who wrote a paper on evolution! S'all hokum, Shelly, don't you go believin' a word of it!" Sheldon rolled his eyes.

"But can I go?"

"Yes. Next week, perhaps?"

Miss Tulier approached them. "Are you Mrs. Cooper?"

"I am. And you are?"

"Margery Tulier. I'm here to talk about your daughter, Missy. Her behaviour has been far from appropriate. When provoked by another student, she responds violently and retaliates whenever possible. There have been two incidents today, a paint one and a fighting one." Mary glimpsed her daughter trotting over, looking innocent as pie.

"So what's she done?"

"Retaliated violently to another pupil's provoking."

"This is all Missy's fault? What about the other girl?"

"Penny," Missy supplied helpfully.

"Verbal bullying is something I can deal with, Mrs. Cooper. Physical violence is out of line."

"Where were you when they were fighting? It's your _job_ to keep them in line." Miss Tulier stalked off, muttering about uncooperative parents.

"Atta boy, Slugger! You show 'em!" Penny's dad said enthusiastically, when Miss Tulier had made her leave. "Thanks, dad."

Margery Tulier went home exhausted and did her normal routine. She had dinner, made a few lesson plans, and got ready for bed after her programme. Only then was it that she realised that she had her class of misfits for the whole year.

**A/N: 11 pages on Word. Blimey. Longest thing for Fanfiction I've ever written. Hope you enjoyed. Please review!**


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